Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize