Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
