Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
