she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
