i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
