Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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