Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
