Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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