So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
