I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
