new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
