6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
