You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
