we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
