Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
