Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
