maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
