I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
