and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
