I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize