My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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