This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
smell my finger.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
