I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
