You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
