She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
