We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
