Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
