Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
