when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
