If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
