Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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