You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
