Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
