drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
