she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize