I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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