Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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