good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
