Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
