I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
