i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
