bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize