I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
