fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
