I'm lost and stupid without you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
