I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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