I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fuuuuuck dude, heβs got #Excel in his Facebook bio; Iβm screaming
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
