return my video game
We're like a lot better than the average bears
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
