just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
