Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i now understand why vodka
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
