I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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