dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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