I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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