Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize