Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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