i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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