With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
