I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
