I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
