I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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