I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's great music for shaving your balls
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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