this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
