dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
