I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
