the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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