I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
