Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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